


Drop Dead Gorgeous

by hashtag_anthems



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Bad Flirting, M/M, i swear i haven't written anything this bad since middle school, im so sorry, ren finds out ai is a robot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26068546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hashtag_anthems/pseuds/hashtag_anthems
Summary: ...no, not literally!
Relationships: Jinguuji Ren/Mikaze Ai
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Drop Dead Gorgeous

**Author's Note:**

> ...look there's not a lot of content for this ship, and this is all I could come up with.

It had just been a harmless one-liner that he’d used on probably dozens of people before. Ren might have meant it more in this situation than in previous, but for all the times he’d described himself as “drop dead gorgeous,” he didn’t _actually_ think he could kill a person by flirting with them.

Ai was lying dead still – no, not dead, he couldn’t be dead from a pickup line, that didn’t happen outside of bad movies and maybe fanfiction – on the ground, blush fading from his face. He wasn’t breathing. Ren couldn’t feel a pulse. Was he actually dead? Shit, what was Ren supposed to do when someone wasn’t breathing?

He was about an inch from Ai’s face, ready to start what little he could remember of the one time he’d gotten CPR training forever ago, when Ai snapped his eyes open and –

Ren scrambled across the floor, trying to back away from those glowing eyes. Human eyes didn’t glow. Ren had played enough inhuman characters to know that glowing eyes were _always_ a sign that the person wasn’t human. And they weren’t just glowing, they were _flickering_ , or… flashing, or something… Almost like…

Ai blinked, and it was like nothing had happened. “Oh, apologies, I… think I blacked out for a moment.”

“Your eyes glow.” It was all Ren could find the words to say. “You… your eyes glow, and you…”

Ai let out a tired sigh. “You noticed?”

Ren could only nod. It wasn’t often that he was scared speechless.

“Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time. I’m a robot. Please do not concern yourself with my lack of vitals.”

A… robot?

Ren just stared while Ai sat up and wiggled his fingers in front of his face. He could imagine the faint whir of little servos moving his joints, thought he could smell something like when his laptop overheated in the summer. Now that the idea was in his head, as preposterous as it sounded…

It kind of made sense.

“Thank god, I was about to swear off flirting for the safety of the human race,” Ren managed to joke.

“Your pickup lines, while effective, do not have _that_ much power,” Ai scoffed.

“Oh? Effective?”

There was that blush again, turning Ai’s face as red as Ikki’s hair. Ren’s instinct was to tease him about it, but given what had just happened…

“Don’t overthink it. You’ll crash again, and I don’t think I can handle twice in one day.”

“Sorry. I tend to overload my processors when I start thinking about… love.”

Ren almost said _“me too,”_ but he managed to keep that one to himself. “So… you’re a robot…” A thought dawned on Ren. “Wait a minute, _that’s_ how you always manage to beat everyone in Smash! You’re basically the computer!”

“Is there any way to turn the difficulty down on _you?”_ Ren asked.

Ai _did_ laugh at that. “What, you’re tired of someone _else_ playing hard-to-get for once?” When he managed to regain his composure, he commented, “You’re taking this surprisingly well.”

“I am?”

“Well, not many people have found out, so my frame of reference only includes Syo, Natsuki, Haruka, and the rest of Quartet Night. You seem to be taking it in stride, which is more than I can say for some of them.” Ai counted them all off on his fingers, which shouldn’t have been cute.

Ren had long since resigned himself to the fact that he had an honest-to-god _crush_ on Ai, but he still found himself a little frustrated at how effortlessly _cute_ Ai could be at times. It terrified him, it drove him mad, but he couldn’t help but smile. He used to give Shinomi shit for how he gushed over Ai, but eventually he found himself agreeing, against his better judgement.

“Trust me, I’m having my own crisis, but it’s inside my head right now.” Not so much over Ai’s less-than-human nature, but a crisis nonetheless.

“This does not give you permission to start making computer puns in your efforts to flirt with me,” Ai said.

“You’re no fun,” Ren chuckled, already coming up with ideas. “Can you blame me for wanting to check out the hardware?”

Ai’s face fell into a painfully serious glare in less than a second. He didn’t even say anything in response. He just stood up and started walking towards the door, grabbing his bag on the way.

“No, Aimi, I’m sorry! I’ll stop! It had to be said! Come back!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at hashtag-anthems, come say hi or yell at me for awful flirting


End file.
